Medieval Lords Meet Futuristic Disco Punks In The Coolest Vow Renewal In History

Let me set the scene. It was the Unholy Matrimony launch party night and I was welcoming people at the door when Tash and Dave arrived. They were both wearing matching black sequined jumpsuits and they looked pumped. My eyes immediately widened. I ushered them inside and very quickly learned that

1. They had made said jumpsuits themselves (which they fondly referred to as ‘wowzies’) and

2. It was their eighteen-year wedding anniversary. They had come along to our party because they were looking for something interesting and fun to do to celebrate.

I immediately knew what had to happen. We were showcasing our brand-new ceremony space, we had a kick-arse cake already made, Dave and Tash were dressed like rock stars, AND it was their anniversary. It didn’t take me long to convince them they NEEDED to do a vow renewal.

In the small amount of time I had to prepare their ceremony I wanted to get to know Tash and Dave as best I could, so we sat down and chatted for a while. I asked them what their wedding day, eighteen years ago, was like. They began telling me about this epic medieval themed affair, and with each unfolding detail, my jaw dropped closer to the ground. Who were these absolute lords and where had they been all my life?

I liked Tash and Dave immediately and I wanted their renewal to be special. At the very least, I wanted to try and inject a few little nostalgic reminders of their original wedding day into the ceremony. I downloaded the original song that Tash walked down the aisle to so that I could play that for their big entrance. Little did I know, they had been collecting the fallen sequins from their wowzies throughout the night and as they entered the ceremony space they threw them up into the air, showering themselves in their own recycled confetti.

Yes, Tash and Dave are ruling machines.

They also told me they were married outside in the Brisbane Botanical Gardens near a pond and had a distinct memory of the sound of ducks incessantly quacking throughout their entire ceremony. In light of that, I instructed all guests to keep up with some subtle and se-duck-tive quacking noises in the background during their vow renewal. The guests, our darklings/ducklings, were happy to oblige.

I’m not even sorry about those puns. #noducksgiven

Tash had told me that on their wedding day, she kinda fluffed her vows and instead of saying she would ‘wed and pledge’ her eternal love to Dave, she promised to ‘wedge and pled’. Needless to say, I had them both repeating the incorrect version after me and then suggested they should seal the deal by giving each other an atomic wedgie. They declined, which I wasn’t surprised about. A wedgie in a wowzie could pose all kinds of health hazards.

With everyone clapping, quacking, cheering and chanting, Dave and Tash re-affirmed their marriage vows with a big kiss and a massive slice of cake.

I spoke to many guests that night and by all accounts, Tash and Dave were the highlight of the night.

Keen to hear more about their actual wedding day, I called Tash and Dave a few days ago to catch up and get all the details. We chatted for a while and I feel like this is pretty obvious already but I just wanted to clearly point out Tash and Dave’s most endearing quality (of which they have many) is that they. do. not. give. a. fuck.

I’m sure that even by today’s standards a medieval themed wedding is pretty out-there to most people. But eighteen years ago, it would have been next level out-there. And they didn’t deliver anything in a mediocre manner either. Nothing was watered down or softened. Their wedding day didn’t just have medieval touches or flares, they went hard-out with everything – authenticity is very important to them. Here’s what they had going on:

- Dave and the groomsmen were dressed in full chainmail. Not the costume hire shop kind. Actual chainmail.

- Tash wore mostly white but had the traditional garb complete with a red velvet corset and a long veil. She decided against the cone-shaped headdress as she was scared she might poke Dave’s eye out. Her bridesmaid’s dresses matched her corset.

- They were a bit bummed that they couldn’t hold the event in an actual castle so instead, they hired a jumping castle.

- They had a sketch artist come and draw sketches of the ceremony and their guests.

- Two of their guests performed a pantomime.

- They had a castle cake.

- A calligrapher scribed their invitations.

- All guests were asked to wear medieval garb, not just the bridal party.

When I asked them what their favourite part of the day was and if there was a stand-out memory, Tash said she really loved what their friend said, which their MC later quoted, and it has always stayed with her: “There is nothing more surreal than dancing in medieval garb to 80s music underneath the Story Bridge.” She also loved the effort that everyone went to in order to bring their vision to life – her dad even dressed up as King Arthur! And most importantly, everyone had so much fun. And that is what they wanted more than anything else.

As far as the last eighteen years have gone, I asked Tash and Dave what the secret to the longevity and happiness in their marriage is, and they both told me the same thing:

They work because they have continued to respect and nurture their own individuality and identity within the relationship. They love each other but they didn’t lose themselves in each other. They have maintained who they want to be while still being together and loving and supporting each other. They were surprised to discover the amount of outside pressure they received about having children after they married. They decided early on they didn’t want children but the societal pressure to procreate was real. Retrospectively, they are happy with their decision because not having children has really allowed them to focus on each other and not compromise their lifestyle in any way. They believe this has also contributed to the overall success of their relationship. They are their own family and they are very, very happy.

Don’t know about you, but we are in awe of these two. Hats off to you, Tash and Dave, you stone-cold legends. Eighteen years down and a lifetime to go.